The Mindfulness Nazi

Quick answer: Mindfulness is the non-judgmental, focused attention to your mental, emotional, and physical experience in the present moment. It is always a choice—not an obligation. You don't have to be mindful all the time, you can still avoid some things, and judging yourself for being "bad at mindfulness" misses the point entirely.

When people first learn mindfulness, misunderstandings are inevitable—both conceptual and practical. In our work at Austin Mindfulness Center, we've noticed a stage many learners pass through: the "Mindfulness Nazi" stage, where mindfulness stops being a choice and starts feeling like a rigid rulebook. Here are the four misunderstandings that define that stage, and how to let go of them.

Do I have to practice mindfulness all the time?

No—mindfulness isn't something you should do; it's something you simply choose to do.

Many people get turned off to mindfulness practice under the sheer weight of obligation. At a retreat, a participant learning about mindful eating once asked, "But I share my meals with my partner, and I think if I were to eat mindfully, it would take away from our quality time together." What she'd heard was that she should be eating mindfully instead of connecting with her partner. In reality, you don't have to eat every meal mindfully—or do anything mindfully—if you don't choose to. In her case, a better choice might be spending quality time with her partner and being mindful of that interaction instead. In short: don't "should" on yourself.

Is it okay to be mindless sometimes?

Absolutely—there are times when you need to think, evaluate, and make plans, and times when you just need to veg out with some mindless television. Why not?

Mindfulness is not thinking or planning, and no one expects anyone to be mindful all of the time. It's impossible. If your objection is "but vegging out isn't healthy," then go do something healthy—you have that choice, too. Once you know how to get present, you can apply that skill any time you realize you're stuck in your head, and the more you practice, the more often it will occur to you. A gentle guideline: try to do one thing mindfully every day—if you want.

Does mindfulness mean I can never avoid anything?

No. One of the main instructions in mindfulness is to move toward your experience rather than away from it—but that doesn't mean you shouldn't avoid anything.

Moving toward painful emotions is helpful because avoiding them tends to fuel them and make them worse. But some avoidance is harmless. One example: a driver who avoids making left turns onto busy streets without a light, happily taking a U-turn at the next signal instead. If that avoidance interfered with her life or who she wanted to be, mindfulness could help her let go of the anxiety behind it. It doesn't—so it's no big deal. The test is this: if what you're avoiding is creating problems or preventing you from living your values, mindfulness can help you move toward it. Otherwise, there's no reason to go around looking for pain. This "move toward what matters" approach is central to mindfulness-based therapy and to anxiety counseling, where avoidance often is the problem worth addressing.

What if I keep judging myself during mindfulness practice?

Don't judge yourself for judging—be mindful of the judgment instead.

Non-judgment is one of the main tenets of mindfulness, and it's where our natural skew toward judgment gets turned upside down. Comparing yourself to another person is a judgment. Evaluating your practice as good or bad is a judgment. Seeing mindless behavior—which is most of our behavior, by the way—as wrong is a judgment. And the fact that you judge is not "bad" either. Learn to notice the difference between evaluation and observation. There are times when you need to make a judgment and times when judgments will limit you; knowing the difference is the key.

Mindfulness is a choice, not a rulebook

The "Mindfulness Nazi" stage passes when you remember that mindfulness is always optional: you don't have to do everything mindfully, you're allowed to veg out, harmless avoidance is fine, and self-judgment is just another thing to notice. Practice because you choose to—not because you should.

Getting started. If you'd like help building a mindfulness practice that fits your real life—without the pressure—our mindfulness therapy team in Austin can guide you.

Frequently asked questions

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the non-judgmental, focused attention to your mental, emotional, and/or physical experience in the present moment.

Am I failing at mindfulness if I spend most of my day on autopilot?

No. Mindless behavior makes up most of our total behavior for everyone. Mindfulness is a skill you can apply whenever you notice you're in your head—not a state you're expected to maintain constantly.

Should I use mindfulness to face everything I avoid?

Only if the avoidance is creating problems or keeping you from living your values. If it isn't interfering with your life, there's no reason to go looking for pain.

Get started with a therapist at Austin Mindfulness Center—in person in Austin or online across Texas.