The Practice of Self-Care

Quick answer: Self-care is the practice of deliberately giving yourself what you need—rest, nourishment, movement, quiet—so you have the resources to meet life's demands. A simple equation captures why it matters: Resources − Stress = Functioning. Establishing self-care actions and an attitude that values them helps prevent depression, anxiety, and overwhelm.

"Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on others." There's a good reason therapists sound like a broken record on this point: we cannot expect to take on all of life's stressors and burdens without caring for our own well-being. Here's what self-care really is, why it isn't selfish, and how to build it into your life.

Why is self-care so important?

Because when you focus on making everyone else happy and checking every box on a list of "shoulds," you end up tapped out of inner resources—vulnerable to stress-related medical problems and mental health concerns like anxiety and depression.

Taking care of others isn't a bad thing; nurturing the people we love can be very healthy. The problem is becoming so focused on others that we overlook or forget that we must also take care of ourselves. If depletion has already turned into persistent low mood or worry, depression counseling or anxiety counseling can help you rebuild.

Is self-care selfish?

No—it's wise. The oxygen mask on an airplane makes the point: if you try to help someone else first while you can't breathe, you panic, lose focus, and everyone suffers.

If instead you first take a deep breath through your own mask, you can focus and you have the stamina to meet whatever comes next. Many people feel guilt at the thought of nurturing themselves, as if it would make them selfish. It doesn't. It's the reason airlines instruct us to secure our own mask first—and the same logic applies to daily life.

How does self-care actually work?

Think of it as a simple equation: Resources − Stress = Functioning.

You need more resources than stress to function well. If stress runs too high and resources too low, functioning falls below zero—panic attacks, depression, lashing out. The practical move: when you know stress will rise (say, around the holiday season), deliberately increase your resources—schedule a few massages or yoga sessions to counterbalance the added busyness. Your "resources" are largely built through self-care. In other words, if you want to be better at handling stress, you have to implement a plan for self-care.

What counts as self-care?

Anything that feels genuinely nurturing and healthy to you—self-care looks different for every person.

Examples include going for a walk, taking a long warm bath, getting out in nature, getting a massage, preparing healthy meals, meditation, relaxation exercises, curling up with a good book, prayer, and yoga. Write your own list and keep it visible—in a journal or on the bathroom mirror—because when you're stressed, ideas for self-care are hardest to summon.

What if I don't feel like I deserve it?

Start with the actions and let the attitude follow—doing caring things for yourself, whether or not you feel you deserve them, gradually shows you that you do.

Many people struggle here because self-care touches self-esteem and self-worth. Rather than spending years first convincing yourself you're worthy of care, act first: the internal logic becomes "if I'm doing all these good things for myself, I must be pretty worthwhile." The reverse is also true—when we skip these things, we quietly confirm the false belief that we are not worthy.

How do I build a self-care routine?

Use this simple recipe: list what you need, start small, prioritize it, notice how it feels, and repeat.

1) Ask yourself what you need to feel taken care of, and make a list of actions. 2) Start with a few actions you know you can follow through on. 3) Make those actions a priority—perhaps at the beginning of the day. 4) Notice how you feel while doing them, and remind yourself you deserve it. 5) Repeat.

Self-care is wisdom, not indulgence

Establishing a self-care routine—and cultivating an attitude that values it—is essential to prevent depression, anxiety, and overwhelm. When your resources outpace your stress, you can meet life's demands and care for the people you love. Remember: in doing this you are not being selfish, you are being wise.

Getting started. If you're running on empty and self-care alone isn't enough, therapy can help you replenish. Our individual adult counseling team can help you build a sustainable plan.

Frequently asked questions

How much self-care do I need?

Enough that your resources exceed your stress. When you know a stressful season is coming, plan to increase your self-care in proportion—the equation Resources − Stress = Functioning is your guide.

What if self-care feels like one more chore?

Choose actions that genuinely feel nurturing to you—self-care isn't one-size-fits-all. Start with just a few things you know you can follow through on, and build from there.

Can therapy help me get better at self-care?

Yes. A therapist can help you untangle the guilt and worthiness beliefs that block self-care, and help you build a routine that actually protects you from anxiety, depression, and burnout.

Get started with a therapist at Austin Mindfulness Center—in person in Austin or online across Texas.