Why Can't I Stop These Negative Thoughts?

Quick answer: Negative thoughts persist because avoiding or struggling with them tends to keep them in place—like struggling in quicksand. The mindfulness-based alternative is not to make thoughts go away, but to loosen your grip on them: observe a thought as information rather than a threat, and it loses its power over you.

Are you plagued with negative thoughts that keep coming back no matter what you do to stop them? Do you avoid things, places, or situations that trigger those thoughts—or distract yourself with TV, busyness, or drinking? If whatever strategy you've been using hasn't worked in the long run, there's a reason. Written from the lived experience of one of our therapists after a health crisis, here's a different way to relate to the thoughts you can't stop.

Why can't I stop my negative thoughts?

Because anything you do in the service of avoiding or struggling with an unwanted thought only serves to keep it there.

It's like falling into quicksand: the more you struggle, the more you get sucked in. Distraction, avoidance, and telling yourself the opposite to "cancel out" a negative thought all share the same flaw—they treat the thought as something that must go away before you can be okay. When the thought returns, the struggle intensifies, and the cycle continues.

What does "let it go" actually mean?

Letting go doesn't mean making the thought go away—it means letting go of your grip on it.

Usually when you hear "let it go," you expect the thought to float off like a balloon, and when it doesn't, you feel like you failed. But the problem with thoughts is not their content; it's how we're holding them. Imagine having to hold a cactus. You wouldn't grip it tightly—you'd hold it as lightly as possible. Yet that's exactly the opposite of what we do with scary thoughts: we grip them so hard we injure ourselves. Slowly and deliberately loosen your grip. Relax your hand, let the thought sit in your open palm, and simply observe it.

Are negative thoughts actually dangerous?

No—a thought is a thought. It's information, data. It cannot hurt you by itself, no matter what it says.

Think of the difference between watching sharks in a documentary and meeting one from an inflatable raft in the open sea. A thought you can see—rather than grip—is like the shark on TV. The thought "I'm dying" is exactly as life-threatening as the thought "The sky is really blue today." Sometimes a thought is even true; death is a fact, in fact. But as a thought, it's just a thought. "Death," the thought, cannot kill you.

What's the goal, if not stopping the thoughts?

The goal is to change your relationship with negative thoughts so you can live fully alongside them.

Ironically, the only way to never have thoughts of death is to die—if that's the choice, take the negative thoughts every time. We don't know how much time we have, so it's better to focus on how we intend to live with negative thoughts, because they're here now, along with your breath, your heartbeat, your love, your life. This is the heart of the acceptance-based approach we practice in mindfulness-based therapy and anxiety counseling.

Living with negative thoughts, not against them

You can't out-argue, out-run, or out-distract a persistent negative thought—the struggle itself is what gives it staying power. Hold the thought lightly, see it for what it is, and put your energy into the life happening in front of you.

Getting started. If intrusive or negative thoughts are running your days, a therapist can teach you these skills one-on-one. Our anxiety counseling team can help.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to have negative thoughts every day?

Yes. Minds produce thoughts constantly, including unpleasant ones. Frequency isn't the problem—how tightly you grip the thoughts is what determines how much they affect you.

Does thinking positively cancel out negative thoughts?

Usually not. Telling yourself the opposite to counteract a negative thought is another form of struggle, and struggle tends to keep unwanted thoughts in place rather than remove them.

When should I get professional help for negative thinking?

If negative thoughts drive avoidance, disrupt sleep or daily functioning, or fuel constant anxiety, a therapist trained in mindfulness- and acceptance-based approaches can help you change your relationship with them.

Get started with a therapist at Austin Mindfulness Center—in person in Austin or online across Texas.