On Being Mindfully Mediocre

Quick answer: Being "mindfully mediocre" means letting go of the judgment that you aren't good enough as you are. Instead of chasing endless self-improvement—where the goal post always moves—you start from self-acceptance and let your actions flow from self-love. Self-care, not self-improvement.

The irony is not lost on us: therapy exists to help people improve their lives, and yet one of the most freeing things a therapist can tell you is that self-improvement, as most of us practice it, is a waste of time. Hear us out—this idea, originally shared by counselor Jiovann Carrasco, LPC, might change how you think about getting "better."

What's wrong with self-improvement?

Nothing is wrong with the activities themselves—the concern is the premise driving them: you aren't good enough as you currently are.

The self-improvement industry is a multibillion-dollar business, and most of us support it one way or another—gym memberships, kale smoothies, Brené Brown on Audible. Wanting to grow is fine. But when the underlying message is "you're not enough yet," we're flocking toward a kind of salvation that never arrives.

Why does the goal post always move?

Because "there" doesn't exist—even if you lost the weight and bought the Tesla, a new inadequacy would take its place.

If someone else said "you aren't good enough" to you, you'd be rightly offended. But when you say it to yourself, it just kind of feels... accurate. It seems right that if only you could lose another 15 pounds, keep up with the trends, and have a witty thing to say every time you speak, maybe then you'd be OK. It will never happen. That's why we keep lining the pockets of self-help gurus and falling for the latest health craze. We are all, in this sense, woefully mediocre—and that's OK. Not great, not terrible. It's fine.

What does it mean to be mindfully mediocre?

To be mindful is to let go of the judgment—to release the evaluative commentary and simply feel what it's like to be you, right now.

You are just... you. No better and no worse. Don't worry, the judgment isn't going anywhere; but for a minute, see if you can set it down. If you cannot accept yourself as you are, you will never be happy or satisfied—no amount of organic goji berries or hot yoga will fill that void. This kind of nonjudgmental awareness is exactly what mindfulness-based therapy helps you practice.

If I accept myself, won't I stop trying?

No—humans don't only do things because we have to; we also do things because we want to.

If you were perfectly happy with the body you have, you could still enjoy staying healthy and strong, being outside, drinking mango-infused mineral water, and wearing amazing yoga pants. The action is the same; the motivation is different. So check your motivation. Start with loving yourself just the way you are, then let your actions be in the service of that self-love. If relentless self-criticism or perfectionism is running the show, individual counseling can help you change your relationship with that inner voice.

Self-care, not self-improvement

The shift is simple but profound: stop striving to fix a self you've judged inadequate, and start caring for the self you already are. Mediocrity never felt so good.

Getting started. If "not good enough" is the soundtrack in your head, therapy can help you turn it down. Learn more about mindfulness-based therapy at Austin Mindfulness Center.

Frequently asked questions

Is self-improvement bad?

The activities aren't bad—gym, therapy, smoothies are all fine. The problem is the premise "you aren't good enough as you are," which keeps satisfaction permanently out of reach.

Does self-acceptance mean giving up on goals?

No. You can pursue the same goals from a different motivation—doing things because you want to, in service of self-love, rather than to fix a self you've judged inadequate.

How does mindfulness help with self-criticism?

Mindfulness is the practice of letting go of judgment—noticing the evaluative commentary and setting it down so you can experience being yourself without the constant grade.

Get started with a therapist at Austin Mindfulness Center—in person in Austin or online across Texas.