Overcoming Perfectionism with Mindfulness and the 70% Rule

Quick answer: Perfectionism is the habit of holding extremely high standards for yourself and blaming yourself when things aren't done exactly right. Mindfulness and the "70% rule"—aiming to do a great job about 70% of the time and treating the rest as lessons learned—are two practical antidotes that reduce the stress, self-criticism, and procrastination perfectionism creates.

Do you have extremely high standards for yourself and others? Is it hard to relax because you're trying to be so productive? Do you get mad at yourself when you make mistakes? If you answered yes, you likely struggle with perfectionism—and the good news is that these habits can change. Here's how mindfulness and the 70% rule help.

What are the downsides of perfectionism?

The downside of perfectionism comes mostly from the inside: when your achievement never feels like enough, you blame yourself for anything not done correctly and replay errors over and over in your head.

There are real upsides to caring about your work—you're prepared, thorough, and often appreciated as the organized one on your team. But the inner cost is steep. Expecting yourself never to make mistakes creates unnecessary stress, drains your energy, and makes it hard to let go of perceived shortcomings and enjoy your life.

Why do I keep "shoulding" myself?

"Shoulding" is the late psychologist Albert Ellis's humorous term for internal statements like "I should not fail," "I should do things the right way," and "I should not make mistakes or I will be rejected."

These are rules you formed subconsciously—often in childhood, when you may have heard messages that what you were doing was not good enough. They quietly drive your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and they can lead to guilt, anxiety, and depression. If those feelings have taken hold, anxiety counseling or depression counseling can help you rewrite the rules.

Does perfectionism actually make you more productive?

Not always—perfectionism often backfires, leaving you less productive and less efficient than you'd like.

You may never finish projects because you keep trying to make them just right. It can also fuel procrastination and avoidance driven by fear of failing, so you miss out on experiences because you don't want to make a mistake. Perfectionism can strain relationships too: it's hard to delegate when you don't trust others to do things your way, resentment builds as you take on more of the burden, and the people around you feel the lack of trust.

How does mindfulness help with perfectionism?

Mindfulness helps by keeping you in the present moment and letting you watch your thoughts as an observer, without judgment.

When you replay a past mistake, mindfulness gently brings you back to what you're doing now. When you fear a future mistake, it returns you to the here and now. Adding the phrase "I am doing my best right now" helps you focus on the current task and relax your standards. Notice how you speak to yourself: turning harsh, critical thoughts into kinder, more self-accepting ones goes a long way toward allowing yourself to be human. This is the heart of mindfulness-based therapy.

What is the 70% rule?

The 70% rule asks: since it isn't humanly possible to do a great job 100% of the time, what if you aimed for 70%—and chalked the other 30% up to lessons learned rather than "mistakes"?

With practice, you can let go of perfection and recognize a reasonable effort. Being human naturally involves slips along the way—it's part of the journey. Imagine being kind to your children 70% of the time and accepting that parenting is a tough job the rest of the time. Imagine saying the "right" thing in 70% of conversations, or hitting your running pace 70% of the time and calling the rest running for enjoyment. If that feels like a stretch, start with a 90% rule and work your way toward whatever feels comfortable.

How can I start practicing the 70% rule?

Start with small, low-stakes ways to tolerate imperfection and build flexibility.

Try sending a text without correcting every misspelled word. Alternate working hard with genuine rest—without running through your to-do list. Look back at things that didn't go well and name what you learned. Try something new that takes a while to "get," like a language or an instrument. And borrow a trick from a conference exercise: every time you make a mistake, smile and take a bow to embrace the mistakes humans make.

Letting go of perfect

Perfectionism promises excellence but delivers stress, self-criticism, and stalled projects. Mindfulness keeps you in the present, softens the inner critic, and the 70% rule gives you a concrete way to adjust your expectations. So instead of trying to be perfect, stay in the here and now, relax your standards, and take a bow.

Getting started. If perfectionism is driving stress, anxiety, or harsh self-criticism, working with a therapist can help you change the pattern. Our mindfulness-based therapy team can help.

Frequently asked questions

Is perfectionism always a bad thing?

No. Wanting to do a good job has real benefits—preparation, thoroughness, and pride in your achievements. Perfectionism becomes a problem when nothing feels like enough, mistakes trigger harsh self-blame, and the stress starts affecting your mental health or relationships.

What if 70% feels too low for me?

Start with a 90% rule and gradually work toward 70%—or wherever you land comfortably. The point isn't the exact number; it's building flexibility and accepting that no one performs perfectly all the time.

Can therapy help with perfectionism?

Yes. Mindfulness-based therapy helps you notice critical self-talk, stay present instead of replaying mistakes, and replace rigid "shoulds" with kinder, more realistic standards—especially when perfectionism is feeding anxiety or depression.

Get started with a therapist at Austin Mindfulness Center—in person in Austin or online across Texas.